Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
