Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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