I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My penis needs a shock collar
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Randomize
