I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
