Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
