8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
