My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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