i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
