and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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