I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
