Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
