Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
