Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
