Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
