Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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