Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
