His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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