Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize