You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
