you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
