So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
