Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
