Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(352): View more from Florida

Billy Mays is dead too!

(1-352): View more from Florida

Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs

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(856): View more from New Jersey

take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.

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(520): View more from Arizona

I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.

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(519): View more from Ontario

I have a critically important question to ask.

(519): View more from Ontario

Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.

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(305): View more from Florida

so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.

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(801): View more from Utah

Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?

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