New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
