Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
