Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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