i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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