none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
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