She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
