I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
COCAINE IS GR8
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