Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
