i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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