Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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