my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize