break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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