A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Dignity is for republicans.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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