I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
