I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
