The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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