i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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