dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
