I'm going to jail i love you
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
