he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
