my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
dude. I can hear the air.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
