In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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