Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
