Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
