We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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