Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
