If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
God, I missed his penis.
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