Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
