He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You don't make any sense
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