We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
