you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
