You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
