Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
