The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
