bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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