But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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