It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
