HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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