i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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