I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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