I'm lost and stupid without you.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
