Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
sarcasm needs its own font
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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