Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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