She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
only you would photoshop your dick
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
