i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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