I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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