He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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