I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
